The Sadness of a Missing Team Spirit

I'm struggling to deal with the current abuse of power within my enmeshed family.  My mother is dying.  My dad is weakened by kidney failure and plethera of illnesses that have plagued him over the last years.  I visited them a couple of weeks ago.  The night before I left my brothers, sister and I talked about what to do next concerning their worsening conditions.  The meeting was somewhat vague.  Many important aspects were discussed (living wills, directives, etc.) but nothing resolved.  It was a starting place.
The very next day I awoke in my motel room to news that my father had fallen on his driveway while on his way to dialysis.  He had laid there for an hour and a half until a garbage man and dog walker discovered him.  He was sent to the hospital and admitted for two to three full days. 

My sister took my mom to her house to care for her, and without even discussing this with my me, my parents, or siblings, made the decision to move them into her house.  Even if her home was lavish with abundance of room for our parents, she ussurped our authority and decided what was best for our parents without discussion.  She now has six people under the roof of her very small three-bedroom home.  My parents are living in the family room with a curtain for privacy.

The point I am trying to make here is that she unilaterally made this decision which is a complete abuse of power.

My sister took total control over their healthcare.  She moved them in and took charge, just hours after a meeting with her siblings where no such discussion of this had ever taken place.

Sadder still, she now is giving directives to others to care for their needs, take them to appointments, etc.  She doesn't ask who is available or consider others' schedules, she simply tells them what to do and then wonders why no one will cooperate! 

I share this example, as long and painful for me as it is to repeat, simply because "abuse of power" is one of the roots of enmeshment.  So is "betrayal" which when you contemplate the complexities of this, you can see clearly.  She never asked my parents if they would even like to move in and live with her, she just did it.  She betrayed her siblings by not even discussing the remote possibility of our parents living in her crowded, filthy home.

She knows that I disagree with her decision.  My parents would have been better to be taken care of either in their home with visiting nurses or the hospice care team, or in a low level nursing facility.  My sister has Crohn's disease and is often unable to care for herself, let alone her sick parents.  But she didn't ask me!!  I wonder why...!  Because I have disagreed with her I am no longer privvy to any updates regarding my parents condition.  I have been shut out, completely.  I can call and talk with my dad and mom, but that's it.  She has completely walked away from me.  That is also due to her daughters view of me (which is a convoluted picture of truth).

It's all so very sad.  My sister is so enmeshed with my mother that she probably believes she is the only person able to care for her. 

I'm getting sick writing this.  It's all too hard for me.  It's not the thought of losing my parents that is difficult, it's the "family" dynamics that are making me ill.  It appears that there is an alignment of sorts going on.  My sister and one brother (who can't do anything but work until the end of June) and me and my other brother, whom my sister and her vicious daughter abhor.  We are on the "OUTS" with them mostly because we are the two who are fighting for our individuality.  My brother wants to live his own life, as do I.  We do not want to be manipulated by our sister.

Enmeshment is so painful.  The behaviors are ruthless and the dynamics leave you feeling physically and mentally exhausted and ill. 

And it's hard to think that she is viewed as the favorite of mom and dad.  Maybe that's what's really pushing my buttons.  It's right out there for everyone now, Colleen is the favorite and that's what she wants.  She has achieved it in all of her glory.  Me?  I'm the one who ran away from the responsibility of taking care of mom and dad.  I do not care about them and do not know them as well as she does.  I am the rebel.  I cause trouble.  Look at the trouble I supposedly caused while down there.  This is what she is saying and doing.  It really must mean that I have too much pride because I am sick over how I am portrayed.  I know what she is saying is wrong, I know it to be untrue, but it hurts like hell.  I am trying to console myself, take care of myself... But the damage is there to me.  Enmeshment really hurts.  There is no way to have a winning team spirit within enmeshment, which is what we should have right now.  It saddens me.