Nothing pushes my buttons more than Indirect Communication. It is difficult to describe this type of communication because it may be seen as ridiculous to someone whom is not enmeshed. To the enmeshed, we know what it is when we experience it, and it occurs in a variety of different ways. Let me use the following example as an illustration. My youngest brothers Facebook status now reads: "Spending a nice morning/afternoon with my mom... Nothing could be better!"
Nice status, right!? To anyone out of the family circle it is beautiful. On the outside it appears to be so nice, completely harmless, and so embracing as a son loves his dying mother... NOT!! I know better! This guy that wrote that status is bitter and angry right now. He wrote that post not because he's so nice, but because he wants to make himself superior to me and my other sibling who is not there. He wants kudos from everyone he knows, lashes out at everyone under the surface (ie About having to transport our mother), and exposes himself to the world as the do-gooder.
I will resist the temptation to become angry. I will resist the temptation to become angry. I will, I will, I will!! It's so hard.
Facebook for the enmeshed family can be very cruel. One liners, or zingers with stingers, are right out there to bite you, and they hurt.
Remember, I am not free of the pain of enmeshment, only trying to be free from it. It gets easier with time, but not always. In this world of instant communication I find myself dealing with it more often. Texts, email, phone calls... they all come in an instant and zap you right where you are. Sometimes limiting these sources will help. It's easier for me to have phone calls in the comfort of home where I am rested and can focus on not becoming entwined in the messes. It's easier to choose my battles. I'm glad I don't get zinged like this too often, kind of hurts in the middle of the day when I'm trying to be productive. I'll have to think about how to stop that from happening again.
Be careful of that guy if he's your friend on Facebook.
oh my. My little sisters are always trying to get me to take a side with one of them against the other... and it's just the two of them.... drives me insane.... ok maybe just a little crazy at times... so sad that sibblings even when we are grown exercise power and still fight over recognition, position and power.... nah nah na boo boo is not very becoming of adults.
ReplyDeleteMy MIL would indirectly communicate with me by commenting to my little boy- "if your Mommy this or your Mommy that"...right in FRONT of me. When they arrived at our home, they would say right off the bat "XXXX you dont know us do you?" ( to my son who was 4 at the time!) Saying it again, in front of me to insinuate that we havent seen enough of them--and havent wanted to be part of the club. It is crazy making.
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